Yo dont text me then not text me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
vagina is talking i cant
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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