dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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