Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
