How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry my hands just texted you
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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