I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize