it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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