You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
