She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm having to shit out rocks
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