I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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