Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
