Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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