Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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