I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize