She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
