I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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