Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
