Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
