Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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