...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
