I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
