I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
