Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
this hospital has no fireball
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
