remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
