Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
