Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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