I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
