laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
