just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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