Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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