so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
