Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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