even my farts smell like vagina
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
