My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My dick has a subreddit
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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