Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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