I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
