I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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