The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who died my cat blue again?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
