He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
