I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
