She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
