Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
