I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
