How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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