My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
