He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
