I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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