your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
