If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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