I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
