Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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