some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
