remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
