I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
