I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
