I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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