im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drake has all the answers
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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