I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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