Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
