Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
