Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
