I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
