You're a womanizer and a bitch.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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