I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
