i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
