as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
