I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
