dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
