hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize